you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
