She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I could fuck to npr.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
