Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
