stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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