No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
did i just pee glitter
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
