My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
