I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
