Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
operation harelip BJ is a go
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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