So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
