So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
my poor anus
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
