Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
