with your own penis?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
