You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
