Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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