I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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