stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize