the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
