Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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