I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
