a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
