you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
