If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize