If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
