I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Damn victory sex feels great
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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