remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
