I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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