I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
