if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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