Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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