i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
