I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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