I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
