Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my shit smells like andre
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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