nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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