We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
