Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
