My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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