I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
that is very illegal...i love you.
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