do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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