I am puke
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
