I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
