Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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