the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
