she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
