when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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