Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
