Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
