Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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