So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
