The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize