ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
