Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
