I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
