Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
