dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
