I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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