you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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