i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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