why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
