got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think my nap took me to another dimension
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
