dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize