My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
