i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
