remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
